these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
