I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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