last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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