If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
