you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
