there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
