dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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