He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize