is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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