I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
