sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
