Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
