Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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