just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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