Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
