This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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