Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
