I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
