This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
