So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
