I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
