11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
