my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
