Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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