why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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