Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
