my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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