those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
