there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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