He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
