Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
she woke up with a sticky ear
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
