Non-Jews are for practice
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
