never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
