i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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