Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You ruined the universe
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
