I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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