The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize