i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
