I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
