The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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