You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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