ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
