his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
