Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we're making bets on your personal life
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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