you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
