Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
