how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Success! We fucked roommates!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize