why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I need a beard to bite.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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