Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
