Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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