you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
