i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
