Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
