Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
