He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
