Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
