You're so nebulous sometimes
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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