She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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