Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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