She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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