Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
