You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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