this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize