Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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