Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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